I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
