ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
