I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
