pedialite and red bull = repair kit
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
