I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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