Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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