Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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