My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
