Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize