So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
