Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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