Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
