1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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