I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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