Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize