check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
