My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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