and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
