I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I showed him my bush... on skype.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
