How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
