thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize