Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I need a beard to bite.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
