Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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