It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
