dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
