She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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