Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
