So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
