Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
