You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
