And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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