She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
