My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize