Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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