Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
