smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
