he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
the condom got lost in my hair
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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