we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
