Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he thought i was a dude.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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