I need help removing her.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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