I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
