awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
