my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
