This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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