Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
