cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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