My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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