Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
