I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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