Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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