I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
