good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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