Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sorry about my life...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
