Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This baby is an asshole
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
