the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize