Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
