she was so not down for the gang bang
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
