giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
