yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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