Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
