Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
