if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Never joke about your clitoris.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
