i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
