I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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