I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
