My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
