so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
